Through the grapevine...

A common site at this time of year is to see a lone ‘vigneron’ bent over the vines with secateurs in hand, painstakingly pruning row after row of plants.  What is a much less common site is to see 40 people attempting to do the same thing at the same time.  This was what passers-by would have seen last Saturday morning as we were attending a course in pruning. Not my normal Tasse du Thé but when you live in one of the largest wine-producing regions of France you can’t help but take an interest – and there was also the promise of a ‘Grillade’ accompanied by local wines as an incentive! 

The morning started off with coffee and a slide-show in the Terrassous ‘Cave’ (our local wine co-operative), then we all walked into the neighbouring vineyards to try it for ourselves.  Some of us were better than others, but at the end of the session there were twigs everywhere and at least 10 rows had been pruned (although I don’t think we were there as cheap labour!)

Towards midday the smell of the barbecue proved irresistible and we all sat down to enjoy a really good meal including salads, crusty bread, typical Catalan style grilled meats (too fatty for me) and a wonderful cheese plate.  Wine pruning is very thirsty work so luckily they had also provided the entire range of local wines – Sweet Muscat as an apero, then Rosé and/or Red to follow. 

  

 

Somehow we all made our way back to the Cave where pudding had been laid out – accompanied by yet more sweet Muscat (rude to say no, of course!) – and we were all presented with a certificate.  I don’t think I’ll be giving up my day job anytime soon, but it has certainly opened my eyes to the back-breaking work that goes into producing my wine!

Get the point?

He asked me to lie face down and try to relax.  I felt him undoing the fastenings of my tunic top, and his cool but firm fingers unclasping the hooks of my bra….. and then he started jabbing needles into my bare back….

…. So no, not ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’– but Fifty euros of acupuncture!

Somebody suggested I went for acupuncture as my blocked ears are still driving me crazy and all the pills, sprays and face-pulling don’t seem to be working.  So because it was for my ears, I was somewhat surprised when he asked me to change into a strange ‘surgical scrubs’ pyjama type outfit and lie face down on a massage table.  I did try to ask some questions but the fact he spoke French with a strong Japanese accent and I had my face and ears wedged into a hole in the table made conversation difficult.

The needles he placed in my back weren’t too painful, but then he explained he was going to place little blocks of carbon on each needle, light them and leave me for 10 minutes – and it was very important that I didn’t move because the carbon might fall and burn me.  I certainly heard that part! 

The rest of the treatment was no less strange – but by that time I was able to see from pictures and diagrams on the walls that he was also a Shiatsu practitioner (or is that the oriental dog?).  There was lots of twisting and pulling of my arms and legs and jabbing me in the muscles with his thumbs.  He kept saying that I was very tense and was I stressed?  Quite frankly I think anybody lying half-naked on a table being jabbed in the muscles and thinking they might accidentally be in a #metoo situation has every right to be a bit tense! 

He did finally turn his attention to my ears.  Needles in ears also hurt.  Quite a lot.

After what felt like well over an hour of minor torture, the session ended and he suggested I go back again next month.  Well of course he would say that, at 50€ per session that I can’t claim back from anywhere (says the cynical side of me) but now I know what to expect, I might give it another go. 

PS.  Having now had time to check out his website I see that the hot needle idea is called 'Moxibustion' - and you are advised not to drink alcohol for 24 hours afterwards.  Oops, too late...